Holding On & Praying for a Safe Landing

Yesterday, I could feel the spiraling get out of control. My apathy was overtaking me, and at some points, I just wanted to give up. My head hurt, and I'm frustrated with my lack of control over my mental illness. However, when I woke up today, other than my left eye hurting for unexplained reasons, I felt slightly better.

I'll take it.

My chest still hurts and focusing is a challenge, but I don't feel like I'm spinning. It may not be much, but it's something, and that's all I really want is just a break. Really that's all!

Tomorrow, I go to the airport to head to Canada, and its surreal. I haven't made a list or packed. I feel exhausted and have many things to do before I can even head home. How is this going to happen? I know somehow I will get my butt on that plane, and once I do, I'll be happy and proud and excited to see my family. I'll still worry about Brett (that shit never ends), but it will be good.

Please be good.

All I have to do is control my anxiety enough to get through the airport. I've done this before, and I can do it again. I CAN DO THIS. And yes, I'm trying to convince myself. I really don't want something stupid to happen. Feelings of terror. Uncontrollable anxiety. Panic attacks.
All I want for Christmas is to feel a bit more normal and make it through this trip.

Tis the season for mental illness... bah humbug.

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Ramblings of a Midwest Woman

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