Ramblings of a Midwest Woman

" Speak to me When all you got to keep is strong Move along, move along like I know you do And even when your hope is gone Move along, move along just to make it through"  - The All-American Rejects "Move Along" As I was driving to work this morning, I put in CD after CD into my player, trying to find the soundtrack to my morning. I'm not very high-tech, and instead of paying for Spotify without ads or rather use some other streaming service, I buy albums to listen to in my car. Some of these are albums from when I first started to discover my own taste in music. Others I purchase for $2 at the thrift store. I'll never forget the first time I purchased a CD of my own. It was Good Charlotte's The Chronicles of Life and Death . Maybe not the best album in the world, but I was in junior high; my own emo roots just starting to show. Within a couple of years, I would have a case full of CDs with bands such as My Chemical Romance, The Used, Cartel, Th...

It's official. I've become the crazy dog lady! I know my in-laws thought two dogs was too many, but now we are reaching the legal limit in the town that we live. We are going to have a third dog. Her name is Angel (though we are probably going to change that since it sounds a bit like a stripper's name); she is a beautiful, large puppy from our local humane society. I found her through my hours of mindless scrolling on social media, usually Facebook, and I saw a new dog our humane society had posted. It wasn't her actually. It was this beautiful husky. I wanted him. I love dogs, but certain dogs are just gorgeous beyond belief: st. bernards, corgis, and huskies. I'm sure there are more I could add to that list, but those are my favorites. However, I never have taken home a purebred dog. I buy Mutts from shelters because I just want to do good in this world, and adopting pets makes me feel superior to those who are picky about their dogs. It may not be right, b...

Here we go starting the cycle up again: doctors' appointments, possible surgeries, injections, pills, and the list goes on. It's the cycle of infertility and the treatments that go with it. I have PCOS, also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is a hormone disorder that comes with a plethora of symptoms. Hair Loss Obesity Infertility Missed Periods Acne Hirsutism (also known as having hair where we don't want it, like my goddam face) Depression Insulin Resistance and Diabetes I'm sure there are more on this list, but these are the basics, and they all suck. I've been diagnosed with PCOS for about a year now, and at first, it was overwhelming. There was so much to learn about the disorder, and it explained why I have never gotten pregnant with my husband, why it is near impossible to lose weight, and other crap I've dealt with for years.  After the diagnosis, I had multiple tests done, ultrasounds and blood tests. Each time it was more...

As the days grow short, the changing of the season is here. I love fall, but it is also a reminder that soon winter will be here, locking me inside my house, and making daily drives an anxiety-filled endeavor. I can drive through snow, but I never enjoy it. I hate feeling out of control, the car sliding down the hills I live on. The rain this morning reminded me of that. I'm never really sure if this feeling is due to the weather or other things - that nagging feeling behind my eyes that signals sadness and fatigue. Depression. A yearly on-and-off battle that I go back and forth on. I'm high-functioning. I go to work, shower, and do most of the things I should, and yet there is always this feeling that I'm not really here. Even now, I'm biding the hours until I can return to my soft bed. Loneliness contributes to this feeling, I believe. My husband has been on nights for weeks, and I tend to feel healthier when I have company. It's a catch-22 lately - the desire...