Ramblings of a Midwest Woman

Every morning during the week lately, I wake up at 2:00 AM and cannot go back to sleep. I try laying there in the dark, trying to get comfortable, but after an hour or so, I give up and usually play with my phone or read. Last night, I read until almost five in the morning because no matter what I did, I could not get back to sleep which is odd since it took me until 11 o'clock PM to actually fall asleep, meaning I am running on little sleep, and I am so so tired right now. I don't know what it is about two in the morning, but it's like an alarm goes off in my head, and suddenly, I am awake. Then, my mind begins to race. Sometimes it's real worries that are going through my head. Other times, it is nonsense such as movies or random songs I haven't heard in ages. They play in my head like a record turntable, going around and around, as I try to make it stop in the darkness. Today, my head aches. Partially, it is from lack of sleep, but part of it is also that my ...

The end of the school year is coming fast; I still have a million things to grade and do, and I feel like there is not enough time no matter what this summer for me to prepare for next year, the baby, and relax some as well. It feels overwhelming, and just thinking about it leaves me exhausted at times. We have appointments and family trips and conferences and planning and painting and so on and so forth. Get the picture? I feel like this is how most parents probably feel day in and day out, but with the change in hours next year with going to full-time teaching and the drastic change in schedule I'm to have, things seem uncertain and a bit scary. I know change can be great, but it also is a lot of hard work, and so I'm going to have to work even harder than I do now. 7th grade will be a monumental challenge next year since I'm going to have a 75-minute class instead of 45 minutes. What a drastic change! I think it will be for the best, but that can be a long time wit...

I keep having these vivid dreams where I'm back in my hometown, seeing people long gone, and spending time in their houses. But when I wake up, they're gone, and I feel the loss of them all over. I can feel my visceral need to be in those places, with their familiar smells and furniture, but realistically, all those places are gone. My grandparents are gone. My favorite aunt is gone. I'm getting ready to hopefully bring life into this world, and all of my closest extended family aren't here for me to share it with. Last night, I dreamed of my Aunt Becky's house: the massive attic that I loved exploring, the back porch with the extra refrigerator and washer and dryer, the soft, overstuffed couches that I slept in so many mornings, and the smell of the blankets I wrapped myself in. Even after all this time, six years this December, I still miss her. I miss that she never judged me but always clearly cared for me. Her soft, understanding eyes would smile at me each...