Well, it’s over and done with. I know losing a pet or having to put one down is a common occurrence, yet the pain is still sharp; the grief biting into me at different moments. One such moment was upon the return home from the vet. Coming into the house to see his paw prints in the snow, his other bed (because of course he had more than one), his food dish, and the eerie quiet without the jingle of his collar caused me to lose myself in uncontrollable sobs. Both Brett and I passed out from exhaustion at Jamie’s bedtime, which is why I’m awake in the middle of the night. I keep expecting to hear Baxter shake his collar and need to go outside. These past three or four months he needed to be carried and helped outside and back in. He would try to maintain his balance and usually fail, peeing on himself, and/or falling backwards on his back and scrambling, trying to recover his balance. Our linoleum kitchen floor became too slippery of a surface for his back legs that had lost their s...
I know how cliché it is to use a song as a blog title, yet this phrase accurately describes how I have been feeling of late. My brain is out to lunch, spinning with too many thoughts and the inability to filter them out. I've always been forgetful, spacy, frazzled, you get the picture, but now I seriously wonder if the words that come out of my mouth make any sense. Am I teaching well? Is what I'm teaching making sense? Is it engaging or interesting? The other problem is that I'm so tired that I'm not sure if I care this week. I haven't slept well in about a week; my son is teething violently and that pain he takes out mostly on me: head butts, hitting, crying, screaming, biting, have become par for the course this week. Thus, I am so fracking exhausted. To top this week off, today is Baxter's last full day. We are putting him down tomorrow, and I've never had to put down one of my pets before. I know my parents have done it, but I was out of the house b...