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Where is My Mind & Saying Goodbye

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 I know how cliché it is to use a song as a blog title, yet this phrase accurately describes how I have been feeling of late. My brain is out to lunch, spinning with too many thoughts and the inability to filter them out. I've always been forgetful, spacy, frazzled, you get the picture, but now I seriously wonder if the words that come out of my mouth make any sense. 

Am I teaching well? Is what I'm teaching making sense? Is it engaging or interesting? 

The other problem is that I'm so tired that I'm not sure if I care this week. I haven't slept well in about a week; my son is teething violently and that pain he takes out mostly on me: head butts, hitting, crying, screaming, biting, have become par for the course this week. Thus, I am so fracking exhausted. 

To top this week off, today is Baxter's last full day. We are putting him down tomorrow, and I've never had to put down one of my pets before. I know my parents have done it, but I was out of the house by then so I grieved from a distance. This time I will be up close and personal. I love that small and broken dog so much, and I'm going to miss him terribly. He was our first pet and family. 

Brett and I adopted Baxter before we got married in the summer of 2013. He has lived in every apartment and house that we've been in from Indiana to Minnesota - 6 places in all. Baxter, even now, tries to follow me everywhere. He has always been a mommy's boy, sleeping next to me, or having to be in the same room with me. During distance learning, he slept underneath my desk all day while I taught. 

Was Baxter the world's best dog? Not at all.However, he has always been loyal and sweet. He is the only dog who rarely needs a leash because he doesn't run away. Even when we would take Baxter hiking at a local park, he would always turn around and see if we were still there. Also, he would never hurt even a fly. He tries to sound big and scary for a 16 lb dog. 

I don't want to face tomorrow. I know I'm going to be a wreck, but I hope I can make this hard day as peaceful as I can for Baxter, my little baby, and I will be there until his spirit is gone, holding him in his favorite blanket. 

We will always love you, Baxter. 

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