As I've previously written about on here, Brett and I have been trying to conceive a baby for almost three years. This has included many doctors appointments, blood tests, ultrasounds, shots, pills, surgeries, and super fun diets that I tried. I felt like I tried everything, and yet nothing worked. Each month I would message my doctors to tell them that it was cycle day 1, and they would tell me to take a pregnancy test just in case. I never did because when my cycle starts, it's clear I'm not pregnant.
But today, I am!
Three days ago on Saturday morning, I took a pregnancy test. It was 6:30 in the morning, and I woke up to use the restroom, still groggy and half-asleep, but I knew if I was going to take a test that day, it needed to be first thing in the morning. I took a test the Tuesday prior, but it was negative, and I had pretty much given up hope that we had conceived this cycle. But still, I felt different. This whole month had been different.
First of all, I am now on Zoloft, and the difference it has made in my stress is noticeable. I feel like I can think clearer, and I feel less consistently down. Each day used to be a struggle. Now only some days are, and most stress I feel like I can handle, and we've definitely had our share with family emergencies, blizzards, and flooding basements.
Because my stress is down, I lost fifteen pounds without trying. Before I started antidepressants, I was eating no bread and no dairy, trying to lose weight in any way possible to reach fertility. With Zoloft, I felt nauseous often at first, so I ate anything that sounded okay, which included strawberry pie, baked potatoes, and cereal. It's not a healthy diet, but just losing the stress made my body react in a positive manner.
Furthermore, when I went to get my monthly ultrasound to see if my ovaries were producing follicles, it was the first time ever that the ultrasound was not painful. Usually, the technician pushes on my stomach and pushes the wand as far as it will go because my left ovary is almost impossible to visualize. Of course, this is my only ovary that has a fallopian tube attached to it. Yet this time, she saw both of them easily, and even better, they both had a mature follicle on them!
All of this month, I had tentative hope because clearly, things were different. As my cycle went on, my sister and I looked up every symptom I had to try to diagnose if I was pregnant. The difficult thing is pregnancy symptoms look a lot like PMS symptoms, and I am always afraid to get my hopes up because I have before. It always ends in tears. Every time my cycle showed up the past two years, I have felt a sense of heartache because we tried so hard to no avail.
However, today, the last few days even, have been filled with disbelief. It wasn't until I got my blood test results yesterday that it felt real. I took multiple tests and made my husband and sister look at them to confirm my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Could this be real? Is my body really making a baby?
I've only told a few people, and other than the people who look at this, which is almost no one, and a few close family members, I won't tell everyone until the first trimester ends around the end of the school year because I'm a high-risk pregnancy, but I hope and pray that everything will go well and that my body can do this.
7 more weeks to go until then.
But today, I am!
Three days ago on Saturday morning, I took a pregnancy test. It was 6:30 in the morning, and I woke up to use the restroom, still groggy and half-asleep, but I knew if I was going to take a test that day, it needed to be first thing in the morning. I took a test the Tuesday prior, but it was negative, and I had pretty much given up hope that we had conceived this cycle. But still, I felt different. This whole month had been different.
First of all, I am now on Zoloft, and the difference it has made in my stress is noticeable. I feel like I can think clearer, and I feel less consistently down. Each day used to be a struggle. Now only some days are, and most stress I feel like I can handle, and we've definitely had our share with family emergencies, blizzards, and flooding basements.
Because my stress is down, I lost fifteen pounds without trying. Before I started antidepressants, I was eating no bread and no dairy, trying to lose weight in any way possible to reach fertility. With Zoloft, I felt nauseous often at first, so I ate anything that sounded okay, which included strawberry pie, baked potatoes, and cereal. It's not a healthy diet, but just losing the stress made my body react in a positive manner.
Furthermore, when I went to get my monthly ultrasound to see if my ovaries were producing follicles, it was the first time ever that the ultrasound was not painful. Usually, the technician pushes on my stomach and pushes the wand as far as it will go because my left ovary is almost impossible to visualize. Of course, this is my only ovary that has a fallopian tube attached to it. Yet this time, she saw both of them easily, and even better, they both had a mature follicle on them!
All of this month, I had tentative hope because clearly, things were different. As my cycle went on, my sister and I looked up every symptom I had to try to diagnose if I was pregnant. The difficult thing is pregnancy symptoms look a lot like PMS symptoms, and I am always afraid to get my hopes up because I have before. It always ends in tears. Every time my cycle showed up the past two years, I have felt a sense of heartache because we tried so hard to no avail.
However, today, the last few days even, have been filled with disbelief. It wasn't until I got my blood test results yesterday that it felt real. I took multiple tests and made my husband and sister look at them to confirm my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Could this be real? Is my body really making a baby?
I've only told a few people, and other than the people who look at this, which is almost no one, and a few close family members, I won't tell everyone until the first trimester ends around the end of the school year because I'm a high-risk pregnancy, but I hope and pray that everything will go well and that my body can do this.
7 more weeks to go until then.
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