Today is my first therapy appointment, and I am a mix of emotions. I feel nervous about it, and I keep questioning whether or not I really need this, but I want to be better, and this is a step in the right direction. Or at least, I'm going to keep telling myself that until I feel it is true. My anxiety whispers sweet nothings. It's a merry-go-round of the usual that I don't need this or that I can't afford it.
People throw the word "anxiety" around a lot lately I notice. I see on a bunch of internet memes, and I am always torn. On one hand, I am glad that people are becoming more and more aware of mental health issues. On the other hand, not all anxiety is debilitating, and there is a clear difference. Every experiences some level of anxiety at certain points. We are human after all. We are prone to feel nervous about new experiences or the unknown.
Now, I can't speak for others who are burdened by their anxiety, but I can tell you how mine feels. It's a soundtrack in the background whispering that everything is not all right. Something bad is always about to happen to me. That is the mental part of it. There is a physical component to it too. A weight I feel throughout my neck and back and a tightness in my chest. Even my head has this weird fuzziness that is hard to describe like a small, constant headache in my forehead. Focusing feels impossible.
But then there are these moments the last few days where I feel significantly better. I still have a hard time focusing, but I can breathe better, and I am not down in the dumps. I felt out of control prior to the holidays, and that isn't the case anymore. I still don't want to venture outside of my comfort zone, but it's progress, which makes me think. Why am I even going to therapy? Aren't I just getting better on my own?
People throw the word "anxiety" around a lot lately I notice. I see on a bunch of internet memes, and I am always torn. On one hand, I am glad that people are becoming more and more aware of mental health issues. On the other hand, not all anxiety is debilitating, and there is a clear difference. Every experiences some level of anxiety at certain points. We are human after all. We are prone to feel nervous about new experiences or the unknown.
Now, I can't speak for others who are burdened by their anxiety, but I can tell you how mine feels. It's a soundtrack in the background whispering that everything is not all right. Something bad is always about to happen to me. That is the mental part of it. There is a physical component to it too. A weight I feel throughout my neck and back and a tightness in my chest. Even my head has this weird fuzziness that is hard to describe like a small, constant headache in my forehead. Focusing feels impossible.
But then there are these moments the last few days where I feel significantly better. I still have a hard time focusing, but I can breathe better, and I am not down in the dumps. I felt out of control prior to the holidays, and that isn't the case anymore. I still don't want to venture outside of my comfort zone, but it's progress, which makes me think. Why am I even going to therapy? Aren't I just getting better on my own?
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