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New Year, Same Crap, Different Results?

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It's a brand new year, and as per usual, the proclamations of "new year, new me" are all over my Facebook page. I get it. This is why we end the year with self-indulgence. Screw it. Start that new diet on New Years Day. Perfect timing, right? Eat all those cookies and have that extra drink because everything will change soon, and sometimes it does, at least for a little while.

This is why I hate New Year's Resolutions. They feel like lies, and they are convincing lies we tell ourselves. Yet, in my personal experience, they just don't seem to stick. Just a few minutes ago, I saw a blog post of mine from 2014 where I was going to diet and lose weight because I weighed 235. Well, guess what? I still weigh 235. I never stuck to any of those resolutions because I felt tired and lacked motivation. In the end, I just didn't want it that badly.

Which brings me to my problem...I'm kind of on a diet, and hopefully, I'll lose weight. Saying those words makes me want to vomit all over my keyboard because I believe in body positivity, and I know diets are stupid. I love myself with all my flaws and imperfections. I don't mind being fat, and I don't care about losing weight whatsoever, but and I need to do this and here is why:

I have PCOS, and I am trying to become pregnant.

At this point, I'll try anything.

This means all the things I never do and suck at -  avoiding carbs, not drinking, and exercising - are the things I now have to do because if I don't give this my all, I will always wonder if the results could have been different. Could we have had a baby? Could my PCOS symptoms lessen? Obviously taking vitamins and eating healthier hasn't been enough.

Here is what this new diet looks like: no gluten, no potatoes, no soy, no dairy, no added sugar. It's basically a mix of Paleo, low carb, and what I know works for diabetics. This is all to get my blood sugar in check and help me ovulate. Also, based on my research, dairy and soy can exacerbate PCOS symptoms. I'm still wondering if I can have cheese at all because I will really miss cheese (I will miss dairy period...so long yogurt 😓), but I guess there are at least vegan options if I'm really in a bind.

There has been quite a bit of food anxiety on my way to making this decision, and it seemed like everyone had different advice on what works for PCOS. Try paleo. Try vegetarian. Try vegan. Try keto. Try low carb. Try whole 30...blah blah blah. All of it sounded terrible, and I figured if I was going to do this for real, I needed to figure out what sacrifices I could make and live with for a long period of time. For example, if I'm going to give up most starches, I need to be able to have something substantial now and then, so I've allowed for beans, lentils, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, wild rice, and quinoa. I know I still have to watch the carb count with all of these, but if I can't have bread or pasta, I decided I cannot give up beans as well. It just makes eating too hard, and I know people lose a lot of weight on keto, but eating a bunch of fatty meats and cheese doesn't seem like the healthiest choice to me. It just doesn't.

This all sounds like a New Year's resolution, but it's not. I was already eating a modified diet after Thanksgiving and am merely continuing on for the sake of my health. I had stopped eating bread and potatoes mostly for over a month now, and though it makes cooking a challenge, I did feel better while I ate like this. My goal is always to take care of myself, and as I learn more about PCOS, I know I have to do more like walk each day, avoid certain foods, and take care of myself mentally, which I've struggled with this past year.

So here's to the new year. Regardless of whether or not you have a resolution, I hope you continue to take care of yourself in all ways, and here's to hoping 2019 will bring fonder memories than this past year.
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