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How I Feel When Some Asks How School Is Going This Year

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 Just when I think I'm getting the hang (or at least a grip) of this teaching during Covid, I have a uh....challenging day. I left my mic off during the Google Meet, didn't upload the handouts I'm using in person, or adapt it for online purpose, or perhaps, I'm just struggling with good ol' classroom management, trying to project through a mask and above the many voices of rambunctious, inattentive adolescence. 

Each morning, I struggle to get out the door earlier and earlier. My body heavy and wanting to return to my soft, foam-topped mattress where my achy bones ache just a little less. 

Now the list begins:

Shower, brush teeth, find clothes, put on make up, fix hair, make lunch and coffee, make sure I have supplies for pumping (yes I am still breastfeeding), nurse my son, take the dogs out, wait a minute, did I eat breakfast? Crap....no time for real sustenance...cereal will have to do even though it messes up my blood sugar and I'll feel starving by lunch time. Alright, do I have my keys? phone? wallet? Kiss my husband. Say goodbye to my baby while his smile breaks my heart because I must go but want to stay. 

And that is all before I even get to the school. Then it's, do I have everything online? printed? Do I have everything prepared so I can teach in-person and online simultaneously? Do I have all the tabs open I need? Updates the pacing guides for every course - there are four and some with multiple sections. Answer multiple emails, and try to keep track of the kids who are distance learning from home, out sick, quarantined because of exposure, or gone for an appointment. What hour is it even anymore? 

By the time, I get home I am exhausted. I tried my best at work, but somehow, it never feels good enough. None of this feels like a solution because every day there is some new problem, and I feel at my wit's end. How am I supposed to not only DO but REMEMBER all this? 

At night, I hopefully make dinner and try to spend time with my son. I miss him, and he is amazing, but I'm so tired all I want to do is veg-out in front of the TV for a couple of hours before I need to sleep and start all this mess again. 

Perhaps it will get easier over time, but honestly, I feel this is going to be a day-by-day challenge. Some days will go better than others but none of them will be great. Not for awhile at least, and that's hard for me. I want to be better and better. I want to do my best, but my best is still struggling at the moment. The phrase "surviving not thriving" comes to mind. 

The suffocation of responsibility, uncertainty, and the tornado of things coming at me leaves me in a tailspin. I sincerely hope this is going better for others. Yet, I also hope I'm not alone in attempting to dig myself out of a hole that keeps getting deeper. 

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  1. CaseySeptember 16, 2020 at 7:48 PM

    You are not alone. Feelings of defeat, inadequacy, stress, anxiety, failure, frustration, and exhaustion EVERY SINGLE DAY. It seems insurmountable. Saying we are in it together seems cliche, but it’s true

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    Replies
    1. Midwest WomanSeptember 24, 2020 at 7:33 AM

      Thank you. Despite Covid procedures, just being so busy with our school building under construction, makes me feel even more alone adrift at sea. We'll muddle through somehow.

      Delete

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